Boo Who?

You know what day it is, right? It's 31 October...

All Hallow's Eve.

It's HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!

Quite possibly one of the most fun nights of the year.

If you're like me, you're probably looking forward to dressing up in a wonderful costume for a costume party at work, or go out trick or treating with the kids, or possibly head out to a Halloween party to dance the night away, or even just relax at home watching scary movies.

If you're in NYC, you're probably heading out to the annual Halloween parade in the East Village where you can see a whole bunch of people dance to Thriller, all with the original choreography.

If you're in Salem, Massachusetts, chances are All Hallow's Eve is especially spooktacular and dressed to the nines with histories of the Salem Witch Trials and even some nods to a certain movie called Hocus Pocus.

You might even be heading out to the pumpkin patch for a ghoulish walk in the cornfield and singing pumpkin carols for the elusive Great Pumpkin.

Whatever it is, it's bound to be quite the night for spookiness, tricks, treats, and some scares.

As I'm enjoying my Halloween, I came across a picture that is...

Well, quite troubling to me.

Why don't you look at and see for yourself?

It's no secret that much of this year has been a frightening one for so many of us.

I'm sure you're not alone in this time of seeing your loved ones or people you know directly or indirectly affected by everything that's going on in our state of politics right now.

So many jobs lost and terminated.

So much fear and frustration over the possible lack of leadership.

So little unity and too much gridlock on either side of the spectrum.

So many people losing their homes, or being forced to downsize just to keep a roof over their heads.

So many vital programs being adjusted, destroyed, or even taken over by individuals who may or may not always have the best interests at heart.

So much friendships and relationships broken because of the toxicity of the ongoing debates on who's right and what is acceptable and what isn't, or even who supports the calamity and destruction or who supports unity and things just plain making sense.

So many people are worried about where their next paycheck is coming from due to the longest government shutdown happening right now.

So much need for financial and food assistance, with numbers tripling overnight.

So many arts programs being forced to pivot, readjust, and even change their programming or casting out of fear and not knowing if they'll keep their doors open.

It's been a lot, I can tell you.

Take it from yours truly:

It's been painful seeing my mom struggle to find a job and get unemployment for six months.

There has been a ton of changes at my jobs where there hasn't been a lot of stability and clarity on what is and what isn't right, and how we can keep each other safe and sane.

I've experienced one of the most disorganized and chaotic shows in my career, and it's forcing me to be more selective and more wary of what I go out for.

I've had to do a lot of internal and external work on what I need to unlearn and let go in order to become the woman I'm meant to become.

I've had to learn to say no and put my needs first for the very first time, and that's a learning curve in itself after putting my needs on the back burner for over 25 years.

Just when I think it's safe to breathe and allow my nervous system to recalibrate, something else happens that makes it all the more tense and uncertain.

I can see why a lot of people aren't exactly into the Halloween spirit this year.

A lot of the fears of what may happen in our nation are becoming reality, and it looks like something out of a horror movie.

Is it any wonder why people are starting Christmas way too early this year?

Look, I get it - you love Christmas, but...

One damn holiday at a time, please! Halloween and Thanksgiving DO matter, thank you very much!

But on the other side of things, the Halloween spirt of having cavorting with ghosts, witches, goblins, demons, and zombies is a bit muted this year.

So much fear, so much change, so much uncertainty, so much anger.

It's just been so much.

And we could all use a break from "Oh, God, what did he/they do now? What did he/they say now? What's next?"

I get it -

Things have ben quite topsy-turvy, and I just want things to actually make sense again.

There was actually a picture that had the following caption (I summed this up):

2019 was the last real year where things made sense. Ever since then, we've found ourselves in a warp of chaos, plague, and things going out of control.

And it does seem true, doesn't it?

2019 was really the last year things seemed the most normal.

But once 2020 hit with the COVID pandemic, a tumultuous election season, and even more division over vaccines, politics, Israel vs. Palestine, the war in Ukraine, and now this, things have just been a real mess.

For five years, things have just been more challenging and more outrageous than ever before...

And it doesn't look like there's an end in sight.

But here's the thing to remember:

You've already given up if you let the fear win.

Resignation should not always be the answer when things get hard or out of control.

There are ways to make this life not one that is expected to become a horror movie.

And the first answer is always the hardest one:

We have to face those fears head-on.

Especially this year.

Especially more than ever.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret that I've just now realized I need to share:

I'm scared of change...

Especially if it's happening all at once.

As someone who is very flexible and can easily adjust things, I have a hard time dealing with change.

This year has been the perfect example of so much happening to me without so much of a moment's notice to breathe once thing has happened (in case you needed a reminder) - my mom losing her job, my supervisors leaving my main part-time job, not having leadership in our department for the summer and fall months, going through a difficult show where everyday was unpredictable and chaotic, my church community group abruptly ending, some of my friends from church starting dating, having their first child, or getting married while I'm still my single self, readjusting to taking the bus to and from work while making sure I don't run into hoards of high school students, learning to brainstorm dinner ideas each night now that my mom is working again after being unemployed for six months...

You see my point?

It's been a lot of changes happening to me, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one going through a ton of changes without so much time to sit and process it all.

You have no idea of what the constant stress of changes and adjusting and readjusting does to your nervous system. I think I'm finally at a place where it has calmed down and it feels safe again.

And even as I'm starting to fall back into a pattern, well, new pattern, and going back to taking care of myself first and doing what brings me joy, there are still unexpected surprises that come that can be a bit...

What's the word?

How about...

Trying?

Nobody said that this life would be easy, but when there's so much changes coming at you from every direction, even if it doesn't directly relate to you, it can be a bit much to handle.

And don't get me started on what's going on in my neck of the woods -

A government shutdown heading into a full month, and so many lives are being upended by the loss of jobs, being furloughed with no paycheck coming from the past few weeks, people dependent on SNAP or other food assistance programs about to lose their one source of food stability, and not so much as an end in sight due to some severe gridlock on Capitol Hill.

And it's not just my neck of the woods.

I'm pretty sure it's impacting your neck of the woods, too. Not to mention the entire nation.

Believe me, nobody asked for this. I certainly didn't.

And even if you did vote for this administration, I'm pretty sure even you didn't ask for so much chaos and your lives being upended in unexpected ways.

But no matter what side you're on, you can't believe what's happening before your very eyes right now.

It's the very thing that those overseas were trying to outrun during WWI and WWII -

A total and complete control of our lives by an authoritarian government, AKA fascism.

The idea that one group of people should act superior because of their status, skin color, and even wealth & power to control others, and that everyone else doesn't deserve the same rights.

Think about it -

Back in WWII Europe, many of the Jewish individuals had to wear stars on their clothes to make sure they are clearly defined as Jewish people.

Then there was kristallnacht, the night of the broken glass. That's where the Nazis literally destroyed the shops and businesses of Jewish citizens.

And then there was rounding up all of the Jewish people and sending them to their deaths in gas chambers at the concentration camps.

Over 4 million people died in the Holocaust.

And then, there was the Jim Crow laws in the U.S. Especially the South.

Blacks were deemed only 2/3 of a citizen, didn't get the right to vote until long after the Emancipation Proclamation. And even after the 14th amendment came, they were only still regarded as second class citizens. Or not even citizens at all.

Not to mention many in the southern states managed to terrorize and control the black people by wiping out entire communities in the middle of the night with the assistance of the Klux Klux Klan and other white fascists.

And then there's the idea that women's bodies should be controlled by the government - from their periods to getting pregnant to getting an abortion.

And then there's the idea that women shouldn't have their own credit cards, sign their own mortgages, go to work, or even keep their own surname when they get married.

I don't have to tell you this, but from my perspective, this is a living nightmare I didn't think I would have to live through or at least believed that it would hit so close to home.

Higher prices just about everywhere due to tariffs, ICE showing up in your neighborhood, people losing their jobs and financial security right and left, the arts being under attack and valuable grants & funds being cut, and food insecurity about to run rampant tomorrow...

And then seeing your friends and neighbors and acquaintances going through the same things as I am, it's downright heartbreaking.

And then there's relationships being severed and torn apart because of how much one side is appalled that they support the other side, and vice versa. No one wants to listen or agree to disagree anymore. Or even respect one another's opinions.

And then there's people switching jobs after being there for many years, or even decades. Or even seeing the structure of their jobs going through a major overhaul because of the current state of our nation.

And then there's the idea of switching things up, or even pivoting into something new. Something unknown, and that is quite possibly the most frightening thing to do. Especially when you don't have a safety net or a backup plan. Or you don't even want to have a backup plan.

It bears repeating:

It's a lot.

And there's a fear that not one of us will leave this year, or even the next four years, unscathed.

But I want to make something clear here:

No matter what side of the political spectrum you're on or whatever side you believe in, this year has been a challenging one for so many people, especially people who are unlike you.

There has been so much changes and things just not making any sense for any of us, and it's so easy to wipe everything that's going on under the rug or even not think it would happen to you or even come close to where you are.

It's also easy to celebrate one's misfortunes and not think that it wouldn't happen to you. But then karma has a way of coming back at you, regardless if you're supportive of the red or blue side of politics.

Just like it's also easy to blame the other side for all of these problems without taking the time to listen or even understand one another.

I don't want to argue with you about the current state of our nation, or who's right and who's wrong, or if they deserve losing their jobs or the ultra-wealthy hoarding all of the money, or even if I can still be friends with you.

I say this all the time:

We need to, no, have to learn to live with each other, no matter where we come from, what our skin color is, what religion we follow, if any, and we have to love one another.

Someone once shared this idea:

We're not all in the same boat, but we're all in the same storm right now. Even if it's hanging onto a plank.

We have to be kind to each other, be more patient, and be more loving to each other.

And always take the opportunity to look for the good, even if it's as small as having a roof over our heads, food to eat, and a supportive system looking out for you. And even if you don't, some of the smallest things like the sun shining, having good health, and doing what you need to do to be okay is a big part of looking for the good as well.

Just because the world seems like a big dumpster fire right now - as some people would call it - it doesn't mean that there's no beauty left in the world.

Nor is there no good in the world.

We just have to find it, and that can be the hardest thing to do when all we're doing is focusing on and honing in on the negativity.

Just know this:

I grieve with you.

I'm infuriated alongside you.

I'm annoyed alongside you.

I'm befuddled alongside you.

I'm worried alongside you.

But I also still love and care so deeply alongside with you. Because allowing my heart to be hardened by the current state of the nation and deep division that is raging like a hurricane is not an option for me.

Not by a long shot.

Another thing that bears repeating:

We burn at our utmost brightest when circumstances are at their absolute worst.

So, what if what's going on in our nation or within our own lives away from social media and knowing eyes is call for us to illuminate?

Blaze?

Shine?

Become iridescent?

Or better yet, transform into our highest being?

(No matter what side of the political spectrum you're on, things have been difficult and trying for all of us. While I don't possess enough knowledge to know what's going on in the political scheme of things - nor am I interested because politics is messy enough as it is - you are welcome to disagree with anything I've written here because these are my observations and reflections from my eyes. We're all different, and we each are living or have lived different experiences, so no one person is meant to be the same. What I won't tolerate is any hate speech, offensive language, or divisive comments that harm and belittle one another. We need to appreciate our differences and celebrate what makes us unique. If you can't do a simple thing like that, I will block you.)

Hear me out:

Yes, 2019 was the last real year where everything seemed normal, and now, things haven't been making sense for the past five years.

We're seeing what's that history has shown us and told us not to do - fascisim, authoritarianism, racism, sexism, xenophobia, and more fears are at an all-time high.

So many lives have turned upside down because of what's going on in our nation and throughout the world.

We're seeing firsthand the horrors of families being torn apart and frustrations of hard-working individuals losing their jobs with no end in sight.

We're witnessing so much division and fear from either side, to the point where it doesn't make sense anymore.

We're just all going through so much right now.

And it can be a lot when you're dealing with so much changes that seem so negative and so trying without as much of a chance to breathe and reflect on it all.

There may be times when you feel the bones in your body so weighed down by everything that is going on, or even have times when you feel your nervous system on edge everywhere you go, or even have moments where you have to breathe so many times just to calm down your heart.

I get it, I really do.

I've been there...

And in many cases, I'm still there.

So let me ask you this:

What if these past five years with so much happening and having so much impact on our lives...

What if they were meant to happen?

What if the pandemic, the war in Ukraine, the Israel-Hamas war, the 2020 election, the 2024 election, the No Kings Marches, the tariffs, the government shutdown, all of the racism, fascism, sexism, xenophobia, hurricanes, food insecurity, loss of jobs, loss of loved ones, and everything in between...

What if it was all meant to happen for a reason?

What if all of these scary things that are happening before our eyes right now were meant to happen to us...

So that we can see that we can do hard things, we can keep going despite the hard things, and that we can grow into our infinite power in spite of the hard things?

Like it or not, we're constantly evolving. Constantly transforming. Constantly changing.

And the best way to face this discomfort and growing pains is to do it scared.

I'm dead serious (no pun intended).

The reason why we run away from doing hard things is not because we're scared, but it's because it's brand new and we think that we cannot do hard things or scary things.

And yet, I'm seeing examples of people doing scary things each day, and it can be as simple as getting up and facing the world, no matter how much it seems like it's falling apart.

It's people asking for help from places and people in not so normal circumstances in order to make sure their needs are met.

It's people acknowledging that they don't have all of the answers in front of them, and yet they are still showing up for themselves in the smallest possible ways.

It's advocating for their needs and the needs of others when in other times they wouldn't even bat an eye at another's misfortune.

It's holding themselves accountable for past traumas and actions, making every attempt to make amends, and admit that they were wrong.

Or it's simply doing something new that they thought wasn't possible, no matter how much work it took to get them to where they want to be.

Or if you really want a good example, it's putting your needs first for the very first time in over 25 years, and learning not to be ashamed of saying "no."

That's pretty scary, if you ask me.

Especially after putting other people's needs first for over 25 years and being treated like a doormat and taken advantage of and running on empty for every single damn day.

What's even scarier than this?

Sticking with this same pattern for the rest of my life and wondering why I'm still not moving forward in the way I want to. And continuing to allow people to use me as a doormat and being taken advantage and not advocating for my needs because of people pleasing and continuing to run on empty.

That's just as scary.

I only have two words for you:

Never... again.

I know the world is dark and frightening right now, but maybe it's time to harness the power of these living fears and nightmares into your fuel, your power, your self-worth, and your dignity.

Not necessarily waging war with the government (although 7 million people have already done that a couple of Saturdays ago!), but waging war with fear itself.

We can do hard things, and it doesn't have to be monumental.

It can be as simple as showing up and doing what's right for you, while also remembering that we're all in the same storm right now and to continue to show kindness and compassion.

It can be as big as accepting that it's okay to not have all of the answers and simply letting go, while also allowing yourself to change and transform with the times.

It can be as small as finding the good in every situation, no matter how minuscule it may be.

Nobody can tell you what you can't do, and then accept it as true.

Yes, things are hard right now, but we can do the hard things. The scary things. Even if we have to be a big fat chicken to do the hard things.

It's not scary, but it's brand new, and it's challenging us to put things in to a different perspective, and also getting us out of our comfort zone to show us what we are truly capable of and that the scary things may not be as scary as we think we are.

As a Catholic church sign once said:

"We're not made for comfort, we're made for greatness!"

Even if we have to do it scared and hang on for dear life.

You have a choice:

You can either face the demons and ghosts and monsters scared, and use the uncomfortable feelings to shape you into the person you're meant to become...

Or you can allow the demons and ghosts and monsters to swallow you whole, with new opportunity for growth and moving forward. You will be stuck forever, you will lose your zest for your life, and you will lose your sense of self.

Believe me, it's not worth it choosing the latter. Take it from someone who knows.

Keep fighting, keep changing, keep letting go, keep learning, and keep doing the things that are scary.

The demons won't like it when you win...

So win.