Ins & Outs

Well, we're now nearing the end of the third week of 2026, and you're probably doing one of two things right now. Most of you have probably given up on your new year resolutions and have gotten back to your old habits because they were simply too hard to keep at, or something happened that derailed all of your efforts and you had to stop the resolutions in order to make sure you're okay. But there are some of you out there who are keeping at it, and may have had to make adjustments so that you don't bite off more than you can chew. If it's weight loss, you're probably scaling back on the exercises you're doing, or starting out at a smaller time than what you started out at due to your muscles needing more time to get used to the workouts. If it's eating healthy, it's a constant discovery of what foods you need to eat more of for health reasons, and what foods you need to stay away from for health reasons. Those fitness and weight loss apps can certainly be eye-opening for you when you discover how much calories and fat can be in one serving, and it's not what you expected at all! If it's starting a new job or finding a new job, you may have to give yourself more grace than ever before due to the tough job market. Or even expand or narrow your search to new avenues than what you've searched for initially. Even people who have Master's degrees can't even get jobs in retail or customer service, which is why the job market is so rough right now. Whatever your resolution is, you should give yourself a pat on the back for making it this far this year. Or even if you've given up on your resolution, you still give yourself a pat on the back to trying your best. What's to say you can't get back in the saddle and try again at a different time of year? Probably when it's warmer? Just a hunch. If you know me, I have plenty of goals and intentions for 2026. But what's different about this year is that I'm choosing not to share what they are, primarily out of superstition. But it's also because I want to be able to focus on what I want to accomplish and make sure that I've successfully done all of the work and actually have it in my hands and my heart before sharing those accomplishments. I'm learning how to manifest and constantly put in the effort, no matter how small it is, and also let go of what happens beyond my control. And it's also looking at things from a different perspective that can help me accomplish all that I've set out to do. Need I remind you that I've had some pretty rough experiences these past few years that opened my eyes to what I don't deserve and what no longer serves me? But more importantly, it's those experiences that forced me to realize that what I've been doing is no longer going to sustain me if I want to flourish and thrive on this journey called acting and writing. A lot of bad habits I've developed over the years were actually bad for me, and I didn't realize it until it took a really bad experience which forced me to see that it's time for changes. As bad as these rough experiences and events were, they're meant to happen for a reason, no matter how painful they may be.

Perhaps it's worth repeating that giving yourself grace and self-love matters as you're recovering from the bad experiences, and allow yourself time to reflect on all that's happened and give yourself a look at what needs to happen to ensure that it doesn't happen again. That's something that's hard for any one of us to do: Take a hard look at ourselves and see what habits need to be broken, and also see what needs to change in order to grow and no longer stay comfortable and stagnant. Some people choose to stay comfortable and stagnant, and resist change. Or make changes that only benefits them, but harms everyone else. And they fail to see the consequences of their selfishness and short-sightedness. Or they choose not to put in the work, and all they do is complain and groan and moan and stay lazy and stagnant. And then proceed to complain and groan and moan again when all of these changes happen, all the while not holding themselves accountable for not taking the effort to do something about it. You starting to see my point? As I've shared in my most recent post, 2026 is a big year for me. Come March, I will be celebrating an important milestone in my career: I will be a professional actor for ten years. 10 FREAKIN' years!!!!!!!!! I didn't see that coming, not one bit. But as I begin to look back at all I've accomplished these past ten years, I can see that as much as I've cried, complained, groaned, griped, got up early to get seen at EPAs, transitioning to self-tapes, created my website, added and deleted credits from my resume and acting profiles, performed onstage and virtual stages, traveled to new places, met new faces, and everything in between... I've realized one important thing about myself that I don't give myself enough credit for. And that's how truly strong I am to have stayed in this business for so long. Somehow, all of those moments in the business have shaped me and molded me into a truly strong and resilient human being that can take so much, but also know when it's time to step away and put myself first and do what truly matters to me. A lot can happen in ten years, as some of you are aware. For me, it was last year that proved to be the wakeup call for why I can't enter my career milestone the same way I entered the previous nine years. It was time for me to reflect, ponder, pray, and start moving slowly towards some important changes that I need to implement this tenth year and onwards. I got some special inspiration from Instagram on what those changes ought to be. I'm sure you've seen some of these things: What's In/What's Out for the new year.

Every year, people would share what they believe is in and out for the new year, and it often aligns with some good habits they want to implement, as well as some bad habits they want to try and kick to the curb. It takes a lot of effort to keep what you want out... Out. And that got me thinking: What are some things I want in and out for this year, especially for my milestone tenth year as a professional actor? Well, I've got a few ideas...

Unlike most people, I figured I'd start backwards with what's in and what's out. Because there are plenty of things that are no longer going to be in my life and career, and I'm going to make every effort to break these habits and bad behaviors for good. So, let's start with what's out for 2026. WHAT'S OUT: -Saying yes to everything and anything -Doing projects out of desperation -Working in unsafe spaces -Not being valued as an artist -Not advocating for my needs

-Comparing myself to others

-Negative self-talk

-Doom scrolling

-Staying within my comfort zone

-Not researching the entire project - including people, pay, show details, etc.

-Not enough preparation for self-tapes/auditions

-Not seeing my self-worth

-Constantly moving from project to project without rest or self-care

-Taking on more tasks than I have to

-Not trusting myself

-Not trusting others to help me or accept their help

-Oversharing

-Not holding myself accountable for my bad habits/behaviors

-Working for free/less than what I'm worth

-Not putting myself first Yeah. It's quite the list that I have for what's out in 2026, but it's also a necessary one that had to be created. Sometimes, we take on more than what we can chew as artists, but we also take on projects that may not necessarily be good for us artistically, mentally, or emotionally. And it takes one or several really crappy projects to force us to see that we're not meant to settle for less than what we deserve, or even what we want in our careers. If you recall, it took one really bad project from last year to make me see that I've been playing small for so long, as well as staying safe and within the boundaries of what I believed works. And that kept me away from the projects and opportunities that would truly feed my creative soul... But more importantly, help me grow and thrive as a person. I get it - we artists want to book as much work as possible to show how consistent we are with booking opportunities and keep us working as long as possible without a dry spell. More work begets more work, I believe the saying goes. But what do you do when you reach a point when a lot of the work that isn't necessarily helping you further your career or even respects you as a person becomes the norm... And leaves no room for the projects and opportunities that are meant to truly help you thrive to come into your life? Or even allow them to come into your life in the first place? What happens when you tell the universe that all you want to do is keep working... And what you end up getting is less than ideal for your creative, mental, emotional, and spiritual health? Not only, but it's not specific enough to your creative needs? And not only that, but it becomes so repetitive that you end up stuck and stagnant and frustrated with not moving forward? What happens when you excuse a director or choreographer or stage manager's poor behavior and lack of leadership as normal in order to keep the job... But it wears you down and chips away at your heart and soul day in and day out to the point where you are wondering if it is still worth it to pursue this career? Or even come home from rehearsals and performances more stressed and on the verge of tears? What happens when you celebrate your fellow artist's latest accomplishments on social media... But only end up doom scrolling on social media seeing everyone else's success stories and comparing yourself to others and feeling like a failure for not being further along or not getting this role or not winning this award? You see my point? What we see as possibilities and opportunities in our patterns and behaviors become the makings of a downward spiral if we don't take the time to truly sit back, reflect, and hold ourselves accountable for what we've been doing in our patterns that may have helped us before but aren't actually helping us now if we're further along in our careers and our lives. So, why do we stay in the same patterns over and over again, thinking that it may actually get better this time? Well... A big part comes from fear. We're not sure if we'd recognize ourselves when we become different people than what we're used to being, or we're not sure if we can fully live up to other's expectations if we change our patterns. Or worse still, we may lose a lot of things, people, and much more if we even make the slightest effort to make adjustments and changes to our lifestyles and how we work. And the last thing we want is to divide ourselves from the people who love us or have our best interests at heart... Or people who seemingly have our best interests at heart and love us. Or even worse still, we believe these patterns have worked for us before and things have turned out fine. So why change things now? Even if the numbers don't exactly add up the way we want to? But here's what I think: All it takes is one big event or moment to make us face our fears head on. Things we were blind to see because we were too busy burying our heads in the sand or keeping our blinders on focusing on all that glitters and shines in order to get closer to get what we want, but not willing to face the truth or see the reality of our behaviors and our actions. And that cannot only have a negative effect on our lives, but it can also have some bad effects on the people who truly love us and want us to be happy. More often than not, it leads those people to distance themselves from us, or even leave us all together after months or years of standing by us and excusing our behaviors and patterns as a normal part of their relationship and that it will turn around eventually. But that "eventually" gets further and further until they end up snapping and then they leave, having had enough of the poor behaviors and patterns they tried so hard to excuse and defend... Until there's nothing else left to defend, especially if it comes at the expense of the other person's mental and emotional wellbeing. Another reason why we tend to stick to the same patterns and behaviors over and over again comes as a defense mechanism. Maybe you grew up in a dysfunctional household or had a troubling childhood or had a traumatic event that scarred you, and you start doing these behaviors as a way to protect yourself from ever getting hurt again. Sometimes doing it over and over again can help protect us and can also reassure us that we're not the problem, and we don't need to change anything about ourselves when we're the ones who got hurt. And those patterns can beget more patterns and habits that end up harming you rather than actually facing the source of those patterns and allowing yourself to feel the emotions, and take the time to acknowledge the pain and forgive yourself. Or even forgive the people responsible for the pain or the trauma they caused. Both things can be hard to do after so many years of adapting, finessing, and fine-tuning those patterns into your suit of armor of sorts. While it's good to have defense mechanisms in your patterns, there's just one problem you probably didn't take into account.. It's how solid and firm those defense mechanisms became, to the point where no light, no joy, no love, no hope, and no growth can come into your life, or even break down the walls you built up in order to protect yourself. Whatever the reason is for the patterns and behaviors, there's a moment, or an event, or a series of events where things start lining up in order to make you see that what you're used to is no longer working - or has never worked to begin with - and that what you're doing is so destructive that it gets to the point where you're pushing your loved ones away and you start to slowly lose what you hold dear. And it's all because those patterns you thought would protect you, help you stay true to who you are, or are afraid of the person you are starting to become stayed with you for far too long. It's only natural when others call you out on these patterns and behaviors ever so insistently that you make half-hearted attempt to break those habits and patterns. But it's actually going to take a series of monumental events and changes to force you to see that these patterns and behaviors need to go... And never allow them to come back again. For starters, I tend to react emotionally more than actually listen and let the words sink in before I reply. And it's especially bad on social media, where the idiots and the Karens and the people doing better than you and have the more likes and comments are. I gotta be honest, I used to rely on my emotions in a post or a reactive comment just to get attention instead of keeping my emotions in check and actually taking a pause before asking myself if it's really worth posting... Or even ask myself if it's even worth it to interact with people who are so set in their ways, or have some damage in the attic, that they won't listen to reason or be willing to be empathetic to different opinions and ideas. I did it all, and boy, it got me in more trouble than I want to admit. Worse yet, I also used to go on social media multiple times a day to look and see if I got more likes or comments on my posts. Or even see if I got tagged in a post. Something that would change how I'm feeling in the moment or make me feel worthy to get a ton of likes from others compared to others who seem to get way more likes than my posts are currently do. Or worse still, I would do the doom scrolling and start meandering into comments, and before you know it... Well, you get the idea. People have called me out on it repeatedly, and I would make half-hearted attempts to do better. But I guess it was the past few years where my mental and emotional health tanked due to some traumatic events and going on social media made me sick to my stomach when I looked at all of the pictures of smiles and good news and positivity over and over when all I wanted to do was tell the world that I was hurting and I needed some attention and some sign that I still matter in the form of likes and comforting comments. It had to take some big cries and shaky moments to force me to step away from social media for extended periods of time, as well as stay away from comments of the most heated of topics, or let myself out of the comment spiral before I went too far to where the idiots and the Karens and the damage in the attics were. I'm going to say this as nicely as I can: I have issues and problems that I'm working through, and it includes how I interact on social media because it can be the absolute worst place to have issues and problems that I'm working through because it's the best place for the demons and the deranged and the Karens to come and attack you. And it's not pretty at all. Not one bit. It also took me holding myself accountable for all of the posts that were emotional and crying for attention, as well as the sickly feeling I get from comparing myself to others that something needed to change. Would it be nice to get more than several likes to my posts and reels? Absolutely! It's nice to be recognized and seen and connected with others who could help you. Plus, it's nice to be reminded that you're not alone and your community cares about you. But I think the idea of character comes into play when all of the most emotional, out-of-control posts come back to bite you... Especially if it's in the form of an acting opportunity. Social media can be a two-edged sword - it's good to show up as close to your most authentic self as much as you can, but unfortunately, some people see that as a sign of someone who is unstable and not capable of the job or opportunity that is presented to them. Or in some cases, the lack of followers may also present problems if they want to bring in more people to see their projects. (But that's an entirely different topic I still don't know much about, so I won't go into more details or suppositions.) So, what did yours truly do? Well, apart from taking extended breaks from social media, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I do my best to limit looking at social media to once a day, sometimes twice a day, in order to get the news and posts I wanted to share and comment on, and then go about my day. I don't even bother with comments anymore, unless it's on a page or group I feel safe in. I keep my posts as close to professional and authentic as possible, and actually taking the time to draft up a post if I'm feeling emotional, and then doing some deep thinking and some time away to see if it's worth posting at all. And on the subject of emotional or bad days, I even take a day or two away from social media to protect my mental and emotional health if I'm feeling lousy. The last thing I want to do is make myself worse by falling back into bad habits and comparing myself and doom scrolling. More importantly, I do my best to keep my sharing to a minimum. I'm working hard not to overshare, and that means not having much details to share unless the opportunity calls for it. Even not sharing my hopes and dreams because I want to focus on the work and the effort it takes to make them real for me. And the last thing I want to do is jinx my hopes and dreams. It's a shame that it had to take some traumatic and emotional distress to force you to see that something needs to change, and more often than not, it starts with what your patterns are. It's also normal to feel bad for not seeing the error of how much trouble your patterns and behaviors have caused, but as someone has pointed out time and time again... We're human. And things like this are bound to happen to us. It's not meant to curse us - but in the midst of this, it definitely feels like the universe is cursing. It may be the wake-up call and sign that we're praying for, no matter how rude it may be. (As I'm sure you all know, you're all working hard to make adjustments to your resolutions this year, or you're working hard to keep up with the resolutions you made. Things like ins/outs for a new year always come in handy as a blueprint for success. But like so many things, my ins/outs for this year are not meant to be followed to a T. These are just my examples and observations, as are my past blog posts. They are my observations and reflections, and you are welcome to disagree with anything I say in this post or previous posts. What I won't tolerate is hateful speech, offensive language, and divisive comments that harm one another. One hope for 2026 is for all of us to appreciate our differences and see the beauty in them. But if you can't do a simple thing like that, I will block you.)

So... Now that you've seen what's out for me in 2026, what are the ins for me? Well... Take a look for yourself. WHAT'S IN: -Manifesting

-Letting go of what's out of my control -Believing in myself

-Doing what truly makes me happy

-Creating my own work

-Going outside of my comfort zone

-New recipes

-Long walks

-Trusting the process

-Feeling and processing my emotions

-Regular breaks to reset and refocus

-Authenticity

-Dreaming big

-Breathing fresh air

-Celebrating small victories

-HUGS!!!!!!

-Saying "no" to what no longer serves me So much of what's out for this year is based in fear. Whereas what's in is based in courage - especially when I'm doing it scared, which is what courage is. You know what? Playing small for so long has made me see how docile I am, even though I'm so brave when I'm performing on stage. And it had to take a set of troubling and even some traumatic experiences to force me to see that real courage is seeing what lies beyond your comfort zone, even if you don't know the exact details nor know which way you're going. Just the fact that I've realized it's time for me to stop playing small and not advocating for what I truly need says a lot about how strong, smart, and brave I am. Not a lot of people are willing to be all those things in order to become the people they're meant to be due to their own fears and insecurities... As well as their unwillingness to kick old habits and patterns to the curb because they don't want to lose the people they love or make an effort to change for the better. Look at it this way: You're looking to lose so much when you decide to advocate for your needs, let go of old habits and patterns, and make an effort to change. But what's worse - losing so much because you've had enough of where your patterns and habits have taken you (or not taken you) and you believe in the power of possibility and transformation, but gaining a new life and mentality and purpose in the process, and it's exactly what you want... Or losing so much because you refuse to change your old patterns and behaviors and costs you the people you love, and you are unwilling to venture forth from your comfort zone and be transformed, and you end up living with regret for not letting go of your old patterns and behaviors sooner because you wanted to stay put and be content with playing small, and it's exactly what you don't want? Many of us are moving towards courage, and while it's not exactly big and bold, it's a huge part of our existence. None of us were ever meant to play it small and stay in our comfort zones. We're meant to do great things, even in the mundane of our daily existence. And sooner or later, change will come at you like a rude awakening or a gentle whisper. It's your choice at how you respond to it. And I guarantee you that staying in the same place resisting it, especially if it's for the better, will never be the option and it will never work out. I find that the best way to go through the first month of the new year is to take things one day at a time. Even one moment at a time. And that includes allowing yourself to feel all of the emotions that come with a new year and making an effort to kick old habits out of your life and invite new ideas and behaviors in, which can lead to some wonderful transformations. Nothing really happens overnight, not really. These things take time. And that includes starting a new routine or a new lifestyle. Perhaps it's best to say that the bravest thing you can do this year is give yourself all of the grace and self-love you can as you embark on this new phase of your life, and remind yourself that your feelings are valid and that you truly deserve wonderful things. And if you want one more brave thing to do... How about acknowledging that you're scared and unsure of the way, but you're still going to keep on moving forward? That takes true courage. And I believe all of us can be courageous if we allow ourselves to be. Maybe I am truly braver than I was led to believe... And that I can do the hard things, and believe in the good things that are coming my way. Why else would I dream so big and finally allow myself to take risks after so many years of playing it small and docile? More importantly, why else would I finally put myself first and learn to love myself more after seeking an opinion from others on how to live? Those ins and outs for your year will make a difference, and if all else fails, keep trying when you make mistakes. Make adjustments to not feel so overwhelmed or discouraged when it becomes too hard. And believe in yourself and that you are meant for great things. I have to keep reminding myself of that every day. Cowardly Lion:

"What makes the Hottentot so hot?

What puts the "ape" in ape-ricot?

Whatta they got that I ain't got?"

Dorothy & Friends: "Courage!"

Cowardly Lion: "You can say that again."