The Uncomfortables

In a few short days, my play, Define "Black," will be making its world premiere at the local fringe festival as part of their first-ever new play reading series. This brand new series gives the opportunity to showcase aspiring and rising local playwrights' and artists' new works in development, with the hope of it being produced and shown in theaters and festivals within the region or beyond. First of all, I never thought that my play would be selected for this festival, so I'm still gobsmacked that I got chosen at all. And to be able to be a playwright AND an actor AND a producer all at once? Boy, I must be either incredibly talented & smart, or incredibly out of my mind! But all joking aside, this experience to get my very first play before an audience as a staged reading is something that I wouldn't change for anything. Because it showed me that I CAN do this - I can put together a production, I can be a good leader without being combatant, and I can create something truly beautiful and has the potential to go further. And it's a story that my cast and director and festival producers believe in, too. Did I have my doubts? Yes. Did I have sleepless nights and a great deal of anxiety and stress? Of course! Did I learn something from this process? You better believe it. The biggest lessons I've learned from it all? There's a time to be a good person, and then there's a time to stick to business. I've made the mistake of giving people the benefit of the doubt and excusing their lack of communication for being busy and occupied with other things and continuing putting things off when I should've stuck with a schedule and put the business first, and giving them a strict timeline to get back to me or else I'd have to let them go and move on. Balancing the business side with being a good person takes time, and I hope I can refine my skills a bit more as I continue on my path as a playwright and producer. And then there's the play itself: Writing can be a collaborative process, especially when it's not just the playwright who wants to make the story a good one. There have been plenty of conversations with my cast and crew about how to make the story authentic enough without it being demeaning or a caricature, and sometimes, I've had to swallow my pride and admit that I still don't know much about my observations as others do. But I also needed to hold myself accountable for making sure that my voice is still the most prominent one being heard in the script.

And chances are, after the performances, there may be even more changes to come. I think the trick to making sure you're not overwhelmed is to not take the feedback so personally, and also stick by what you wrote and not people please others. It's a tough lesson to learn, for sure. But the one lesson that I will never forget from here on out? My voice matters. There are audiences out there who want to listen and even crave new stories, and maybe those new ideas can become something even more special. It's been a change in pace for me trying to do something new and uncomfortable, and yet in the past few months, I've seen so much growth and strength from this experience that I've never thought was possible. I just wish everyone could see that there is good that can come from trying something new and different to bring people together. I was in the middle of rehearsals for Define "Black" when I caught a rather unexpected news headline on social media one day: Hana S. Sharif steps down as artistic director of Arena Stage. Wait, what? Didn't I just see her at The Motion premiere several months ago? And here's the kicker: The highly-anticipated musical, CrazySexyCool: The TLC Musical was set to premiere several hours later. Of course, in my exhaustion and confusion, I was sad to see her go so suddenly, and before the opening festivities were set to begin. From my understanding, she was the first woman of color to become the artistic director of Arena Stage, and brought a great deal of success within the past three years of her leadership.

Including some productions that have transferred to Broadway, Off Broadway, prestigious regional theaters, and beyond. So, why did she resign so suddenly? Well, if you look at her name and her profile, the first thing that jumps out at you, well, two things, is this: She is a woman, and she is black. This marks the second time a black woman has announced her resignation as the artistic director of a prestigious theatre organization in the country. And if you know your history well, every time a woman, a person of color, or a woman who is a person of color gets to lead an organization like a theatre company or a prestigious business, there's ton to be backlash and resistance from those who are on the board of directors or trustees. The vast majority of them happen to be old, white, wealthy men who are so set in their ways that they will do anything and everything in their power to keep things the way they are, just like it was over 50 or so years ago. That means doing the same things exactly as they are, and not updating or changing with the times simply because those ideas and projects don't necessarily work or translate well for today's audience or frame of mind. Of course, this realization brought much outrage from within me. It's sad that despite all of these years of success and fruitful opportunities for a beloved theatre company, there was still so much resistance and unwillingness to change, especially if it comes at the expense of the loyal audience fanbase... Even if the average age of the audience is in their upper 70s, white, and relatively wealthy. So, the one question that's plaguing my mind right now is this one: Why? I may not have the right answer to this one, but I do have the time to discuss some observations and reflections. So, let's get to it.

It's no secret that whenever a woman enters a space that's usually reserved to or led by men for much of the company's or organization's existence, there's bound to be some pushback. I think the pushback is from a man's ego and pride being damaged by the fact that the woman is doing far more change and transformation to be more inclusive and encouraging to the community that has long been left out of the core values and business model that was deemed for everyone, but never really was as inclusive as it was meant to be. But then there's this idea that if the model that was put in place 50 or even a century ago worked then, it should work now. Right? However, that's not been the case, especially within the past decade. With rising costs, more difficult projects forcing artists to put in more work and effort than necessary in order to keep the show going, less time for recuperation and rest, fewer opportunities to spend time with loved ones on holidays and vacations, and an outcry for a healthier work-life balance, it's clear that the model that was started by white men is no longer viable. Not to mention it's downright harmful to the health and wellbeing of the people working there as employees. When women come into those spaces and decide to do new things and make changes to reflect the current times, it can send the very foundation that the men put in place to shaky ground. It may even cost the men their livelihoods and sense of security. Maybe that sense of security is their ego, or worse - Their money that they've amassed over the years from the old model that seemed to work for the past 50 or so years. And that money came from longstanding and supportive donors and supporters who valued the mission and the core beliefs of the business or organization. And that money from those people who may be just like the men who ran the business or organization - resistant to change, and unwilling to be flexible or open to new ideas and beliefs. So, does the same thing happen when a person of color comes into the room of a predominantly white based organization? In a way, yes. But I think the fear is more heightened because of the difference in skin color. Even though there is a movement towards a more equal and inclusive workspace for all, there is is still the risk of a fragile man's ego being broken by all of the change and new ideas that's to come with new leadership... Especially if it comes at the cost of losing money, losing supporters and followers, and even losing the very organization itself. So, much of what was put in place over 50 years ago may still be there, lurking in the shadows in the form of micro aggressions and lack of accountability for one's actions or beliefs that were harmful to another race or culture. It can be in the form of fewer new works and fewer new voices that come from the BIPOC or underrepresented cultures because they're deemed too "radical" for their audiences and donors. It can be in the form of not approving certain casting choices, even though they may be exactly right for the role for the sake of retaining their audiences and most ardent supporters. It can be in the form of withholding funding or special benefits from a project that's supposed to help the community in the form of outreach and supporting those who have long been excluded because it's just too expensive. All for the sake of holding the original ideals near and deal to the founders who pledged to them over 50+ years ago. Disguised as racism, that is. Mind you, many people on the board may not be aware that some of what they're doing is considered harmful. Much of it is a learned behavior passed down from generation to generation. Sometimes, people realize the error of their ways and make the long, and often uncomfortable, effort to change and hold themselves accountable for their former beliefs and behaviors. But much of the time, they never realize the error of their ways, or even see that what was preached to them was wrong. It's just become a part of their lives, whether they blatantly know it or not. Much of these practices have been long in the rooms for so long that whenever someone of color tries to change it or transform it into a new space to reach out to others, there's cries of heresy or even fighting back to retain their power to keep some level of control to keep audiences satisfied. Many of them who are much older and want things to be a certain way, despite being aged out. The path of least resistance is the hardest one to find in a position like artistic director... Especially if you're a woman, or a woman of color. (Or even a man of color.) Because resistance has ALWAYS been the name of the game when it comes to theatre audiences and board members, at least from my observations. To give you an example, one of the theatre companies tried to make an environmental impact on the amount of papers being used to create the full programs by making them a pamphlet. The information about the cast, creative team, and other important details were there. But everything else needed you to scan a QR code to read more online via computer or mobile device. Now, to a millennial like yours truly, I'd be down for something like that. Heaven knows how many trees we could save by reducing the amount of paper we use every single day. But to an audience member who is 70+ years old... That could cause some big problems, especially to those who are so set in their ways of having a physical program in their hands. Who needs all of those trees anyway? I just want my program, gosh dangit! Of course, many of the audience members and supporters complained about this change, and the theatre company is now back to the full programs. I guess the idea of being environmentally friendly is lost on much of the older and most loyal supporters of the theatre. And the same goes with members of the board at organizations like theatre companies. There are just so many people set in their ways about how things need to be done that any change for the sake of moving forward with the times is simply not done and unacceptable, and must stay this way for the sake of their comfort and ego. And it can impact the number of decisions women and people of color are trying to make to be more engaging with the community and do new things to attract newer audience members and talent. What better way to cause some women and people of color to leave their posts after only several years after so much exhaustion from butting heads with those who are so resistant to change because they want to be comfortable... And to keep their audience members who also want to be comfortable in their pockets? Resistance - it's a sickness. What can I say? Well, from the outside, it seems like Hana's departure may have had something to do with race. And the cause for my, and so many others, outrage. But then, several days later, I came across some posts that were quite alarming. It turns out that Hana wasn't exactly a picture of a model saint as an artistic director. In fact, some artists and former employees shared that she was absolutely brutal to some of them, from the rehearsal rooms, all the way to the stage at opening night. That was... not what I was expecting. In fact, the Washingtonian covered this story with a bit of an insight from anonymous employees and contacts about their experiences with Hana. You can read the full article here, but for the sake of time, I'll copy some of the responses below: “My experience with her was deeply, DEEPLY scarring,” wrote DMV-based actor Jeremy Keith Hunter in a June 27 Facebook post. “I’ve never been so humiliated and disrespected in my entire theatrical career; from a decision that she approved and signed off on. It affected me then, it affects me now.” “I understand well the hardships Black theater folks endure along our paths to success and influence,” writes a multidisciplinary artist who appeared in Sharif’s staging of Murder on the Orient Express at the Rep, in a private message to Washingtonian. “That does not excuse the harm any may cause along their way. As a Black actor, working with Hana Sh[a]rif was absolutely harrowing. Offstage Hana is cold, mean, combative. I witnessed it. I received it. I’m a grown man and she literally harangued me to the point of tears before a notes session in the theater. [O]n stage she presents [as] nice, charming, refined, intellectual and maybe even ‘sharp.’ But she’s really just calculated, manipulative, and self-serving.” And then there are even more heartbreaking comments from artists and employees who chose to keep themselves anonymous from the DC Metro Theater Arts article. You can read the article in its entirety, but once again, I'll copy some of the responses below: St. Louis-based artist CJ Cameron performed in Murder on the Orient Express, which Sharif directed at The Rep in 2023. In his recounting of that experience, Cameron describes Sharif’s leadership style as intimidating, confrontational, and emotionally unsupportive. “I’m a grown man, and she literally harangued me to the point of tears before a notes session in the theater one day,” Cameron told DCTA. “I have never seen a cast of actors so collectively distrust a director,” Cameron shared. “Whenever Hana was needed most as a director, she threw in the towel. I saw her actively retaliate against an actor of color for calling out for a final preview after injuring herself backstage; I saw her coldly dismiss an actor after struggling to help them honor a choice Hana wanted them to make; I saw her quit on actors and intimacy coordinators during intimacy rehearsal, saying, ‘I don’t feel it,’ and just walk out like the people in the room no longer matter and need to get it right by the time she’s back.” It was a completely different environment,” says a former program director who spoke on condition of anonymity. This staffer worked at Arena for over a decade and their final year overlapped with Sharif’s first. “I had seen other leadership changes at Arena. People keep saying, ‘Well, this is what happens when you have a leadership change,’ but it’s not. It wasn’t perfect before, but this was night and day.” The source describes the stress at Arena as palpable. “Former employees would visit and just see it on our faces and ask, ‘What happened?’” “There were so many canceled first previews every season because she insisted on approving everything and was so late in getting feedback to the designers that they couldn’t get the show ready in time,” a former production staffer told DCTA.   A former marketing staffer cited the 2024 production of Death on the Nile, which Sharif directed. “She took six weeks off in the middle of the summer,” he said. “She was supposed to be working from home for part of that, but no one could get a hold of her.” Jeremy Keith Hunter started working as a freelance graphic designer at Arena in 2020 and was appointed staff multimedia designer in 2023. Hunter described what he called “a broad cultural shift” following the departure of longtime Artistic Director Molly Smith. He said the communications team would often work on projects for a week or two before supervisors returned from meetings with Sharif and directed them to change course. Hunter notes that his supervisors were often “clashing and being pulled in every direction. Whatever was happening in those meetings, there was an aspect of micromanagement,” Hunter said. “It took a long time to get things out the door.”

The former production staffer said staff frequently worked late because important decisions remained unresolved during regular business hours. “We spent so many nights working until midnight because she wasn’t accessible during the day,” He said. “A lot of those nights were screaming matches.” “Staff started having meetings within weeks of her arrival about how to handle meetings with her,” the former production staffer told DCTA. “I was a shield for my staff, and it took a toll on my health.

“I felt like I couldn’t be in the room with her,” the source added. “I felt like I was being gaslit and held accountable for things I hadn’t done. The people who support her would say that she is just setting her boundaries. But it felt to me like she’s just really good at manipulation. It was the most toxic work environment I’ve ever been in.” Damn. I had no idea that this was happening. And my heart breaks for everyone who was involved, no matter what side they were on. Because as much as there were somewhat open conversations about Hana that showed her as a ruthless leader, even a monster, there were still some more people who would support her. Yes, her ways were a bit bold and brash, but ultimately, Hana had the best interests at heart. And maybe she was the victim of yet another form of racism by the board or something entirely different... Which may or may not be related to racism. The point is: This whole situation is a mess, and for once, I don't have any answers or a clear observation on Hana's abrupt departure or the future of Arena Stage. And maybe it's just as well to not worry my head about what's going on over there and all of the details and things in between the lines. I'm not the one responsible for all of this. But still... There is one more reflection I want to add that may shed some light on this sad affair. (Nobody deserves to get hurt at the expense of others. That point must be made very clear. Nor should someone be forced to leave due to the color of their skin or their gender clashing with systems in place that's withstanding all of the change. For starters, to anyone reading this who is working or has previously worked at Arena Stage, my heart grieves with you. I don't know all of the details, nor am I supposed to. But just know that my heart breaks for all of you, and I hope you know that I will be thinking and praying for you. That being said, even with reputable articles and sources of this news, these are still my observations and reflections, and they may not be 100% right most of the time. You are welcome to disagree with anything and everything I've said. But what I won't tolerate is any form of offensive speech, divisive language, and hateful comments towards me or anyone else. We all have to learn to live with each other, and appreciate our differences as something as beautiful. If you can't do a simple thing like that, I will block you.)

I glanced at an interesting article a short time ago that someone wrote after the New York Times published an article about the current state of regional theatre back in December 2025. It's how many of the regional theater companies and organizations are relying more and more on shows and productions that are well known and can bring in audiences for the purposes of being entertained. Even escaping from reality for the next few hours from the real world, because let's face it. It just doesn't make sense right now. 😎👍veling than with a beloved musical that the audiences love a million times over? Like Hairspray? Or Sister Act? Or Guys & Dolls? Or Annie? Or better yet, use well-known actors that audiences know and love to get them to come to theatre and be comfortable seeing their favorite actors and artists do a play or musical to bring them joy for the next two or so hours? Or at least make a decent amount of revenue to keep the deficit from getting any higher than it already is? It seems to be the trend in many major regional theatre centers and communities: COMFORT. As opposed to being UNCOMFORTABLE. Or THINKING. Or even BEING CHALLENGED. Or worse still - having a CONVERSATION. A lot of people these days don't want to think when they go to a show. And that's a cause for alarm for many newer voices trying to get into the very spaces to get their stories told. Including yours truly. There is a good chance that Define "Black" may never get produced at the large regional theaters right now because of the sensitive subject matter of race, which is a cause for plenty of headaches and heated debates, even within the black community. And while theatre is there to make people uncomfortable and think, there are just a lot of them right now who don't want to add to the mix of the divisiveness and confusion of the world. Which is quite frustrating, to say the least, for newer voices like myself who want to be heard and be in those spaces where my story matters. But it's not just the shows and programming that's being offered that strikes me as comfortable. The article went on to mention something very striking that I hadn't noticed until now: Whenever there are pictures of those in an executive position shown in newsletters or articles, the people of color are noticeably absent. It's an all-male, all-white (though one woman may be shown, who is also white) lens that just screams comfort for regional theatre companies right now. It's almost as if they are catering to the audiences that are white, relatively older - like 65+ years old - , wealthy, and set in their ways to ensure their own comfort. And excluding anyone who does not fit into their model of comfort. Sure, they can feature a well-known August Wilson or Suzan-Lori Parks play to entice the audiences of color, but it's only one show written by a person of color out of a season of 7-8 shows, with a racially identified cast to ensure that they are not racist, even though current politics suggest otherwise. But much of the decisions come from an all white based board, with little to no influence from the people of color, or even women. And much of the show selection is on the basis of comfort, and keeping everyone happy and satisfied, especially if many of the audience members are the ones providing the most financial support and loyalty... All for the sake of comfort. Which brings me to an important point: Comfort doesn't necessarily mean GROWTH, nor does it mean TAKING A RISK. And that is the one thing that is seriously lacking in our industry right now. Because no matter how loud the call for new works is from newer voices, there is always going to be pushback from those on top because the comfort of the audiences and even the board takes precedent over honoring the purpose of theatre. And that's making space for the uncomfortable conversations and thoughts that need to be discussed. While also making sure that newer voices and ideas don't feel uncomfortable by those in power. Including those who are all white, all male, and all egotistical. (Though I hope the last one is not always the case!) Circling back to Hana and what's going on with Arena Stage, she may have had the best interests at heart to create new productions and bring in new faces and new talents to the DC region. And Arena Stage may have thrived because of the productions she brought to the area, and the success that followed for the past three years. Hana may have believed that growth comes from doing what's uncomfortable, and doing something new, which as a woman of color, is very admirable. But as some have shared, the way she may have gone about doing what's uncomfortable for all the wrong reasons. Hana was seen by some as someone who was controlling, manipulative, and even cruel to the point of keeping workers well into the wee hours of the morning. Or even belittling artists to the point of tears, or threatening artists their jobs & livelihoods when they got injured and needed time off to recover. Or not getting around to approve all of the details of marketing until very late in the process, which caused some previews to get cancelled. Whatever you believe in this mess that Arena Stage is currently going through, one thing is for certain: There are ways to make others grow as artists and as an organization through doing uncomfortable things like new ideas and healthy changes... But you can't do that if you're a leader making everyone around you feel uncomfortable and even scared to do their jobs because you don't have the decency to be courteous, patient, or even understanding. There are ways to be a leader or in an executive position of power without being a jerk. And that includes the best and most healthy ways to inspire growth through doing what's uncomfortable - you shouldn't force others to follow you. Especially not by abusive or manipulative methods. Because if you believe that being cruel and selfish is the best way to inspire growth, think again. It will only cause the plant to wither, lose its leaves, drown from excess water, or even die. And you know something? That applies to ALL of us, no matter what race or gender we are. Leadership isn't made by force or greed or hate or division or fear. It's forged by courage, curiosity, patience, an open mind, a spirit of adventure, financial knowledge, mental fortitude, making mistakes, dreams, new ideas, and a deep seated belief that growth comes from doing the uncomfortable... And that can lead to the most fruitful of seasons.