We're Going Up, Up, Up...

So, as someone who is learning to go against the tides in terms of trends, particularly in fashion, there's one trend that I simply couldn't escape. In fact, it's hard for any of us to escape this trend. But here's the thing: It's not so much of a trend anymore. It's actually become a global phenomenon, and it's not going to stop anytime soon. Have you heard of a little movie called K-Pop Demon Hunters?

I have to admit that when I first saw clips floating around online, I was a bit, well... Confused. K-Pop superstars who just so happen to be demon hunters? If that's not a more befuddling mashup of two things, I don't know what is! But the more I kept hearing about the film and seeing the clips, I became fascinated. And then came a clip I didn't expect to see: It was the singing voices - EJAE, Rei Ami, and Audrey Nuna - appearing on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon and talking about their experience working on the film, and how it has been simply an overwhelming abundant blessing that K-Pop Demon Hunters became the phenomenon it has, and even getting the surprise of their lives from Jimmy. He was the first to announce that the soundtrack had gone Platinum! On live television! The reactions of shock, disbelief, and joy on all three of their faces were evident, as were the tears about to pour out of my eyes. Then came the moment all of America, and even the world, waited for... It was the first ever live performance of one of the songs from the film. In fact, it was the number one song off the album, and it rocked the summer charts for a number of weeks. It's called "Golden". And, boy, I was not expecting the lyrics to hit me so hard like it did: I was a ghost, I was alone (hah)

어두워진 앞길 속에 (hah)

Given the throne, I didn't know how to believe

I was the queen that I'm meant to be...

I lived two lives, tried to play both sides

But I couldn't find my own place...

Called a problem child 'cause I got too wild

But now that's how I'm getting paid 끝없이 on stage...

I'm done hidin', now I'm shinin' like I'm born to be

We dreamin' hard, we came so far, now I'll believe...

We're goin' up, up, up, it's our moment

You know together we're glowing

Gonna be, gonna be golden

Oh, up, up, up with our voices

영원히 깨질 수 없는

Gonna be, gonna be golden... Whoa. Talk about mind blown. These lyrics are so raw and so real, and it's hitting me in places I didn't realize the song would hit me. It's especially evident that this song came at such a time when so many people are experiencing some big changes in their lives after so many years of working and FINALLY getting recognition... Or even if they're not, the song is still a vessel of hope because of the hopefulness of going up, up, up. It's time to own your power. Your time to shine is NOW. Your moment is here. Your work behind the scenes will show you that you DO have the makings of greatness. Your talent cannot be denied. It's YOUR moment. So... How does "Golden" play into my life as an actor when I've been at it professionally for nearly 10 years, and how can I put the lyrics into practice when they've been hitting me especially hard in this new season? Or even when others are going up, up, up, and you're just stuck, stuck, stuck, but you want to go up, up, up so badly? I think this week's blog might just surprise you. So, you might want to have K-Pop Demon Hunters on as your inspiration as you read this post.

It's times like these where I need constant reminders of how important it is to be seen and heard for being authentically yourself, especially in the arts. For so many years, us black people have been seen as just the negative stereotypes many white people only see us as (thanks in part to Hayes Code used in Hollywood for many decades) - slaves, maids, butlers, servants, anything that is demeaning and meant to disregard our existence as people and citizens of the United States. Sometimes to the point of being used for minstrel shows in the form of blackface. The same can be true for those of Asian - Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Taiwanese, etc. -, Middle Eastern - Muslim, Arabic, Indian, etc. -, Hispanic - Mexican, Portuguese, Brazilian, Colombian, Spanish, etc. - , and indigenous - Native American - descent. People of color were always the easiest to be used for the most demeaning of parts in films and television because of the general perception that they are not citizens and they should only be seen as either barbarians or everything less than their dignity could be afforded to be. While progress has been made to provide a more accurate depiction of different cultures without stereotyping, there's still a long way to go. Films like Encanto, Coco, Raya and the Last Dragon, The Book of Life, Turning Red, Sinners, The Color Purple, Remember the Titans, The Joy Luck Club, Carmen Jones, Crazy Rich Asians, Life of Pi, Dances with Wolves, and The Last of the Mohicans are just some of the movies that are helping to strip away the stereotypes and give back the dignity that should've been afforded to these races and ethnicities to begin with, and showing a side of humanity that can paint all races as both good and evil. No black vs. white here. K-Pop Demon Hunters is one of those films that shows a nation like Korea in a way that showcases their humanity, not to mention their passion for all things K-Pop. And it's also a nod to all things anime, which is VERY big in Asia, and the beauty and comedy it brings when it leaps off the pages of a manga comic and onto the storyboards of an animated film. With a cast of Korean American performers voicing the roles, it's evident that this film has left its mark for proper representation of the Korean culture. And there's also proper representation on the production side, with Maggie Kang serving as the creator and director of K-Pop Demon Hunters. But here's the thing: Nobody expected, even believed, that K-Pop Demon Hunters would be a hit. Let alone a worldwide phenomenon. Originally created at Sony Pictures Animation (the same company that produced Spiderman: Into the Spidervese and Spiderman: Beyond the Spiderverse), it was sold to Netfilx, thinking that it would only be a small success. Nothing more. Boy, I bet the executives at Sony Pictures Animation are wishing they didn't sell K-Pop Demon Hunters to Netflix right about now! Because K-Pop Demon Hunters is EVERYWHERE: TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Etsy, the Billboard 100, eBay, the Grammys, and possibly the Golden Globes and the Oscars if all goes well. Unfortunately, official merchandise has been severely limited because of the film's unexpected success. Dolls, costumes, fashion, books, and more will be exploding onto the scene... Next year. Just in time to miss the holiday season this year. BUMMER!!!!!!!! All that's to say... Nobody is left untouched by K-Pop Demon Hunters and the mania that ensued. I almost was. I honestly wasn't too impressed by it, especially when I saw clips of the film. But there was something about the song "Golden" and the performance on The Tonight Show that drew me in to watch this film, and when there was a Sing-Along version of the film being released to theaters, my thirtystomething self bought a ticket, and marched right to the theatre to watch the film from start to finish. And yes, I was listening to the soundtrack on repeat and singing the songs at the top of my lungs after the film was over. And yes, I was the only thirtysomething single person in the theatre, surrounded by plenty of kids and families! And I regret nothing. But here's the thing about K-Pop Demon Hunters a lot of people may not have known about at the time, apart from not expecting it to be a phenomenon. Let alone a successful film. Many of the people who were a part of the film have worked in this industry for years before K-Pop Demon Hunters came around, and it was because of this film that their talents and contributions are being recognized and adored. Especially from the three singing voices of the three main characters - Rumi, Mira, and Zoey. EJAE - the singing voice of Rumi - has been in the music industry for a whopping 25 years trying to sing in some of the biggest pop groups in Korea, but she was always turned down, always overlooked. She was probably told more times than she'd like to remember that she just wasn't good enough. Or at least that was implied to her. Still, EJAE turned to songwriting for some of the biggest K-Pop acts in the world, and was often ignored for her contributions. When "Golden" came around, the lyrics simply poured out from her heart... And onto the page. And into music history. Now, 25 years in the business, and EJAE is a hit maker. "Golden" is the top song from the album, with its placement on the Billboard 100 at #1 for a whopping 17 weeks! Did I mention that she is also a freakin' GRAMMY NOMINATED songwriter and vocalist?!?! Yup, K-Pop Demon Hunters is now nominated for five Grammys! The first time in the history of the Grammys that a Korean American artist has been nominated. EVER. You can bet EJAE is over the moon about this, along with everyone else! But it's not just EJAE that's finally getting recognized for their talents and seeing their hard work realized after working in this industry for so many years. Rei Ami - the singing voice of Zoey - is also celebrating the monumental success of K-Pop Demon Hunters after working for 10 years as a professional artist. Arden Cho - the speaking voice of Rumi - just landed her first lead role in a new film at Netflix after being in the industry for at least a decade. Audrey Nuna - the singing voice of Mira - is also celebrating the success of K-Pop Demon Hunters after working her butt off for a number of years. So it's not just film itself that's skyrocketing, but it's the people behind the voices and the creative forces who are finally reaping the fruits of their hard-work after years of auditions, open calls, tears, doubts, rejection, pivoting, pivoting again, naysayers, and every thing in between. Their hard work and persistence is once again living proof of what it means to never give up, even when they've been in the shadows for so long and being overshadowed by others' successes. Especially when that success comes unexpectedly! Apart from the biggest film this decade making dreams come true for the stars of K-Pop Demon Hunters, I can name some other people who have worked hard and made their dreams come true after years and years of hard work, struggle, and persistence. Such as one of my favorite Broadway stars: Jessica Vosk. You may recall that Jessica originally started out working in Wall Street for several years, even landing promotions during her graduation. But after dealing with intense anxiety from the pressures of the job, she had to make a tough choice: Stay at this job with the anxiety getting worse, even to the point of possibly being hospitalized, or quit the job. The answer came, quite literally, from above. In the form of a handwritten note from her late grandmother wishing her good luck in Jessica's latest role when she was a child. Jessica took that as a hint to try her hand at acting, much to the bewilderment and consternation of many people. Contrary to what the news outlets say, she did not become an overnight success. (Let me repeat that: Jessica Vosk DID NOT become an overnight success. In fact, there is no such thing as an overnight success. It's an ILLUSION, something that even yours truly has to remember. So, get that out of your head right now!) In fact, it took her seven to eight years to finally reach Broadway, with a few stops along the way, including an orchestral performance as Anita in West Side Story, conducted by the illuminous Michael Tilson Thomas. Jessica did get the chance to perform on Broadway - her debut - in Bridges of Madison County, Finding Neverland, and Fiddler on the Roof. From there, she landed the role of a lifetime - Elphaba in Wicked! Jessica first began her journey to Oz on the second national tour before joining the Broadway company for the show's 15th anniversary. I think it was from there her story of how she went from Wall Street to Broadway made Jessica a household name. Not to mention an award-winning one: Jessica won the Broadway.com Audience Choice Award for Best Replacement (I think I may have played a part in her winning that award because you can bet that I voted for her!)! And then, as they say, the rest is history. Jessica has now performed on Broadway, regional theatre, Carngie Hall, the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra, and the Kennedy Center. Did I mention that she has now released three albums, all of which have been very successful? I'm pretty sure Jessica faced a ton of rejection, doubt, struggles, financial problems, and more on her journey to Broadway, but she didn't give up. Especially with the constant trips to 54 Below to open mic nights to sing, first as a nobody, and then becoming a somebody. But she didn't give up. She's now living her best, authentic life right now. Obviously there are stars out there who are finally reaping the rewards of their successes in this fickle and ever-changing industry. But what about those of us who aren't famous or well-known (yet)? Do these stories still matter to us? Absolutely! I'll give you an example of two people I know, and for their identity sake, I'm keeping their names abbreviated. Let's start with my first story, and we'll call her "M." I recently started following M online on her YouTube channel as she vlogs her daily life as a working actor living in NYC for the past three years. It was around a year ago she decided to join Actors' Equity after going to so many auditions as a non-union actor, with M's reasoining that she is in a different place now than where she was three years ago. Her needs have changed, and she now has a full-time job to supplement her income, and spending her days hanging out at Ripley Grier all day when she has to consider her rent, food, health, and more have increased substantially, was no longer cutting it. Fast forward to these past few months, and M has been feeling a bit discouraged after several auditions and callbacks didn't get her to an offer on an Equity contract. And she has been working hard for the past ten months as an Equity member. She even thought of giving up. But then, several weeks ago, a video clip that all of us were thrilled to see: M had a bottle of champagne opened, with the caption reading that she had booked her first Equity contract as an Equity member! Of course, so many of us viewers were all thrilled for her. After all of those years of going to classes, exercising, working at her full-time job, auditioning, going to callbacks, joining the union, and all of those doubts and frustrations piling up, M finally got the opportunity she was waiting for. And she's living her best life right now... Including getting the opportunity to perform on the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in a couple of weeks! WOW! Talk about a turnaround, indeed! The other story is a bit more recent as well, and a bit more local. For this one, we'll call her "A." I actually got to work with "A" at District Fringe this year in a staged reading of an original musical, and she was the sweetest person a fellow ensemble member could ask for. We sang the same harmonies together, got the staged directions down, and she even helped me into my costume for every performance. A was quite a pro! So, imagine my surprise when I discover that A is now in the ensemble of a major musical with a prominent theatre company in my region, and she's living her best life right now. You can't help but be happy for A, especially when she's working with some great people! Funny story: I asked one of the actors to say hi to A for me on IG, and he proceed to do just that in the form of a comment. I burst out laughing! It was nice to see A doing so well, and probably after a lot of struggle she went through to get there. I can almost be certain that A had doubts, struggles, insecurities, and more plaguing her mind as she went to every audition, open call, and callback without a lot of success, and wondering when her time will come. It came... And neither she nor M are done yet. The only place to go from here is up, up, UP! Which brings me to yours truly... Why haven't I been going up, up, up like A & M? When will it be my moment? Especially after a ton of setbacks and negative changes and every thing in between these past few years? (sigh) If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me that... Or whenever I asked that... I would be rich. (It's always fun to mix in pop culture and global phenomenons into my blog posts, even though I may not always know all of the trends and everything in between. That being said, these are still my thoughts and observations and reflections, and I'm not meant to have all of the answers. You are welcome to disagree with anything I've said here or in my previous blogs, but I will absolutely not tolerate any hate speech, offensive language, or harmful words towards me or anyone else. We each have dreams and accomplishments we want to reach, and we need to be especially kind to each other in the midst of the hard work and struggles. And that includes sharing opinions and reflecitons. If you can't even be the least bit kind to me or to anyone else, I will block you.)

There's one part of the song "Golden" that hits especially hard, and considering the lyrics came from EJAE herself, they were especially raw and real for me: Waited so long to break these walls down

To wake up and feel like me

Put these patterns all in the past now

And finally live like the girl they all see...

No more hiding, I'll be shining like I'm born to be

'Cause we are hunters, voices strong, and I know I'll believe... This business, this industry, is not for the faint of heart. I could've given up years ago, like EJAE may have done. Or Arden Cho. Or Rei Ami. Or Audrey Nuna. Or M. Or A. Why put myself through so much heartbreak and disappointment time and time again? It took me so long to finally not cry after every rejection, and yet, it still stings. There are so many things that I'm doing right or trying to do right and trying to change, and yet I'm still in the shadows watching others shine, when I want to shine so badly. It can be hell trying to support and uplift artists who are living their best lives in roles an projects you want to be a part of when all you can wonder is "why not ME?" When is it gonna be MY turn? I'm doing everything right, and yet, I'm still not going up, up, up like Huntr/x, or even EJAE. Or even M. Or even A. I'm stuck, stuck, stuck...

And it freakin' sucks, sucks, SUCKS. I don't want to be in the shadows all my life, not when I have so much to offer and want to share so much of my gifts with the world. And I'm pretty sure you all felt like that, too. Even if you're not in the arts, there's so much of you that's longing to be Golden and reach the pinnacle of success so you can finally be happy and proud for not giving up when you wanted to do so for so long. You're so close, and yet, you're still so far. It's aggravating to see others shine so brilliantly, and you're on the sidelines supporting their dreams while also trying your hardest not to scream or crumple and fall apart because that is only weakness to the rest of the world. Vulnerability is a sign that you're over the edge, and you're not worth taking a chance on if you're broken and soft. Those little tasks and constant rehearsals and preparation you do each day can be repetitive, and you're wondering if it's enough and if you'll actually get anywhere. And all the while, you wonder if it's really worth it... Especially when the rest of the world tells you no? Or in my case, when all of the places and spaces I want to be in tell me no? The answer is always YES... If you truly believe in your dreams and in yourself, the answer will always be yes. I see you out there, living in the shadows, wondering when you're turn's gonna come. I hope you see me in the shadows along with you. It can get lonely being there when you're doing so much work on your craft, yourself, your relationships, and everything in between. Sometimes without others' knowledge. I see you out there, trying hard not to cry when others are doing what you want to do, or even what you thought you would get, and supporting them when your heart is breaking on the inside. I hope you see me there feeling the same pain, frustration, and guilt along with you. It's hard having to put on the armor day in and day out when all you want is for the world to see your scars and your tears and be told that it's okay to feel and that who you are and your feelings are valid and shouldn't be put to the side or stuffed down just to please others. I see you out there, going out to every audition or job interview or callback that you believe you can land, or even if you're not sure if it's worth it after so many rejections. I hope you see me wondering if it's worth it or if I need to change it up or even the number of times I question what to wear, what to perform, or even what to say to the people I interact with in the room and out of the room. There has been so many times when I wonder why I submit to this company or organization when I know that I'll get a no, or even have the smallest glimmer of hope that it could be different this once, but it ends up being the same thing like the last time. And you see someone you know get the part you wanted and wonder why the hell I put myself through it when it was not going to be different this time. I see you out there in the shadows... I just hope you see me in the shadows, too. Because there are times when I wonder if I'm truly alone when I see so many people shining and I'm scared to dim their light by just being vulnerable and fed up with how things are going or not going and how much I want things to be different for once. The shadows can be a frightening place to be to work on yourself, your craft, and your entire experience. A reminder or a nudge for me to not think that I'm alone is always appreciated. Being simply told that you're not alone is always appreciated for anybody these days. What I could use is some positive change for once... Some good news for once... An opportunity to go up, up, up, live my moment, and the chance to be Golden... For once. And be surrounded by others who want are Golden, too. Life isn't meant to be living in the shadows, nor is it meant to be hiding while others are shining. Your moment is coming... Scratch that. Your moment is NOW. It's time to be Golden, and you will not be alone when that time comes. Just like I see you in the shadows, I will see you become Golden. I just hope you see me when I become Golden, too. It's not a question of "if" anymore. But a question of "when." Because your time is coming, and you are going up, up, UP.